Out of years on my journey to strengthening myself, chasing success and improvements. There are lots of lessons you learn along the ways.
But most lessons are learned the hard ways; but all great, experience is the true teacher.
Out of these lessons, this is one of the best I’ve ever learned, it is:
“If you keep looking for reasons why you don’t win, you’ll never win.”
It is simple, it is powerful, it is impactful.
It is perfectly enlightened; that shit hits hard like a motherfucker during a very hectic period.
There were few weeks ago I was losing my mind and direction, I felt depressed and had lack of faiths or any positivity within myself whatsoever. And all I did was just looking for reasons to fail and how couldn’t I win.
Well, guess what? What I was thinking is so goddamn true.
It is true because whenever I keep looking and digging for why I cannot achieve success in anything, I never.
This apply in everything we do: our career, our business, our fitness journey, our self-actualizing purpose, …
Lack of faith about yourself in any goals makes the desired outcome furthers away from you.
Because all you think are negative emotions, your self-imposed incompetence and irrational fears that disrupt your comfort; so you try to escape your shit, and stay away from actually making progress and succeed like a little bitch. And you just do that again, again, and again, …
You have nothing.
And that’s the truth I know.
If we keep looking for reasons why we can’t win, we’ll never win.
To deflect that way of thinking; you gotta turn your head around and think more differently, and avoid looking for reasons why you lose.
Why You Shouldn’t Do That?
Thoughts are powerful; thoughts are the fuels of the mind.
What you think consciously, then compulsively; impacts within your subconscious mind.
And your subconscious mind has a system call RAS (reticular activation system): which filters what you sees or experiences through your senses in reality; it creates hyper-realities within your human’s senses. Therefore, your reality is what your subconscious mind determines.
If you keep thinking you are poor, these thoughts impact your beliefs, images & actions; which becomes your sense of self: you are poor.
If you keep thinking you are stupid and incompetent, these thoughts make you actually incompetent and stupid due to the subconscious mind’s impact on your beliefs, images & actions.
So, what’s that mean?
It means: we are the embodiment of our own subconscious mind (beliefs, emotions, images, actions).
And for subconscious mind to be programmed, it is done via consistent conscious patterns such as thoughts.
Therefore, you are your thoughts; or overall, your mind.
Now, in this case: why wouldn’t you win if you keep looking for reasons for why you can’t win? So simple. Now keep thinking for many dubious reasons, or points, on why you will fail & lose; I see no reasons why these shits cannot make change on your subconscious mind then make you believe you will fail & lose. Consequently, your actions & behaviors are imposed by your beliefs, you fail.
And more failures because of your bastard mind seeking negativity, will fill your reality with failure stories and experience. That’s the shit that stops you from reaching your full potentials.
We seek and impose negativity because of our survival bias of the collective unconscious of human being; we protect our survival, comfort, ego, and that’s why we are so compulsive on seeking negativity.
But that way of thinking has to be changed.
Example On Fitness, Lifting Weights, Bodybuilding, ….
Those who have been lifting weights for years definitely understands this.
Especially beginning or intermediate lifters who don’t have amazing physique & physical feats like some top-tier guys; you live with these self-imposing beliefs within yourself that stop you from reaching your potential.
I’ll tell you something personal.
In my training journey, I had always had fuck tons of reasons why I cannot get as great as some top-tier bodybuilders:
- I am an Asian, so my genetics are complete trashes (familiar?)
- I cannot look that great unless I take PEDs.
- “Low reps high intensity” are good for building strength, but not huge muscles.
- My testosterone levels is not high.
- Hitting 700lbs deadlift, 600lbs squat & 405lbs bench naturally are impossible. (achievable but not easy).
- I cannot get to lower than 11% BF whatsoever.
- I am an endomorph, so I can’t look as jacked and good as mesomorphs.
- Calisthenics cannot build huge muscles.
- …. and more.
I guess you can tell yourself some of these (or most) are familiar as fuck.
But hey, big bullshits.
They were why I didn’t make good gains at my first years of lifting and given up before I actually got back in and set in a stronger mind. These are reasons why most guys giving up lifting after few weeks or months have lackluster results.
So, that’s the very convincing example of: “if you keep looking for reasons you can’t win, you’ll never win.” In this case, it is fitness.
It is what we call …. impostor syndrome.
And it’s dangerous.
The same can be applied to martial arts, or any sport types; at the beginner phase, this kind of thinking occurs a lot and it is stubborn.
Example On Attracting Women, Getting Laid, …
One of the most universal fears of modern men are talking to girls, attracting and penetrating them; you can definitely digging deep holes of insecurities yourself in this topic.
That said, for a guy who are having considerate success with women at the moment; along in my journey I encountered multiple reasons that makes me procrastinate and lose opportunities a lot. I definitely buried my mind in these venomous thoughts for years until I decided to get seriously.
So these are most of my reasons why I couldn’t win that are familiar with most guys’s reasons that keep them from achieving success with women:
- I am fat, unattractive, incel & no girls want me.
- I am feeling not confident or attractive enough; maybe they know it’s right.
- These girls don’t look at me, they probably think I am weird or creepy.
- They are so beautiful, I am not good enough.
- I might lose them because they don’t like guys like me, I am not worthy.
- These girls already have boyfriends I think.
- These girls are busy, or they don’t like creeps like me.
- Some guys are much higher values and better-looking than me; I can’t compete with them.
- I am so fucking beta; they won’t like it.
- I don’t know how to fuck a girl, she’ll be disappointed.
- Rejection sucks and I’ll get rejected a lot.
- Cold approaching is so weird, I’d might be get a sexual harassment charge.
- …. ad infinitum
Oh yeah, as for average guys or guys who are starting to learn game; these thoughts run your mind consistently and compulsively. Even for guys with great game, few snaps of them and you’ll lose confidence.
These are reasons why most guys are losers, and they give up attracting women after few times of cold approaching; and end up depressed again.
Example On Career, Business, Chasing Purposes, …
Making big decisions in life has lots of internal struggles and bullshits running in your mind; especially on life-death decisions of financial situations or career choices. In your mind you will run through these kinds of reasons, bullshits or excuses like these:
- This field is so much competition, I can’t win.
- I am not smart so I won’t be successful in this area.
- Computer engineering and machine learning are tough areas; I guess I am out of the league.
- Making millions are impossible, my products are shit and my ideas are stupid.
- I cannot be a professional MMA fighter because I lack strength, discipline & athleticism.
- I cannot make this decision, it is so risky.
- Guess I’d have to stay in school because if I drop out, I’d be poor.
- …. more.
They are pretty much very self-imposed. Everybody has it; and most people fail because of they attach themselves to these reasons why they’d fail.
If you want to make millions as an entrepreneur, you’d have lots of these negative thoughts and doubts crawling inside your head in and out, and if you give in to it; you’d be unsuccessful. Like I said, they are just bullshits and self-imposed irrelevance you put into yourself, discourage you from fulfilling your potential.
There are no more dangerous ways to let your life or destiny being decided by these fallible reasons.
If you keep looking for reasons you can’t win, you’ll NEVER, EVER, win.
The Solution: Exercising Your Courage
* Recommended listening: Podcast #380: How to Increase Your Courage and Bravery – Art Of Manliness
Fuck these thoughts, yet you can easily deflect these thoughts with good amount of courage & will. Courage is a virtue, and you’d rather have it as your guiding key than compulsive negative thoughts.
Classically, you’d want to do the opposite of what you are doing: Instead of focusing on reasons why you can fail/lose; focusing on reasons why you can win.
This reminds me of how George Costanza from Seinfeld handles his newfound opportunities and succeed by doing the opposite of his instincts.
This way will exercise your optimism, self-esteem and confidence; by looking for reasons why you can succeed in your game, you’ll have more courage and willing to act, rather than fuck yourself around with negative thoughts and slip up your opportunities.
Isn’t it obvious? The philosophy is still the same: “If you keep looking for reasons why you can’t lose, you’ll never lose.”
On the other words:
“If you keep looking for reasons why you can win, you’d win.”
Then rely on them, while being aware of negative reasons, in case to keep yourself realistic and avoid dangerous optimism; then ACT.
But what if you can’t even find the plausible reasons why you can succeed? What if you are filled with fuck tons of insecurities and flaws; your mind are not cleared to look for good qualities?
JUST. FUCKING. DO. IT!
Exercise your courage to act, this is the time where you must be decisive and bold.
The most important thing is the ability to act eventually.
Action makes thing happens, action doesn’t leave opportunity slip ups and pack with courage? Bigger possibilities and bigger damage.
You have a lot of potentials as a human being.
You can fulfill your potentials, achieve anything you could have wanted; and with discipline, ambition, drive & persistence, shit can’t go wrong. But don’t let such bullshits created by your head be your own roadblocks.
We’ll all experience neuroticism and anxiety during the journey at any point.
But don’t let it control you; don’t lose because of your mind deceiving you with imposed reasons of inadequacy. It’s time to guard your mind for what is really matters. Like the Stoics said: “control what you can control; don’t control what you can’t.” And what you can control are: your mind, thoughts, feelings.
And finally, build courage.
Then be great, and be free.
That being said, I’ll see you next time,